Monday, December 31, 2012

Happy New Year!

What's up, bitches?! Happy New Year's Eve! 2013 is just hours away, are you prepared?

Prepared? For what?! Y2K is an old joke and the Mayan Apocalypse has come and gone, so what could y'all possibly prepare for?

Traffic Stops, duh...

Listen up everyone, NO DRINKING & DRIVING! The last thing I want to wake up to tomorrow is news that one of my beloved people was mangled in a firey wreck and died because they were being a jack ass and getting behind the wheel of a car when they've clearly been drinking, or that one of my beloved people let one of their beloved drive, and they too are now smelling like a burned ham in the morgue. DON'T DO IT!...'cause I probably won't cry at your funeral, you 'tard.

If you drink tonight:
-Stay put. Sleep in a guest bed, on the floor, with that stranger who has a hotel room just around the corner, or the back seat of your Cadillac. It's big enough, trust me.

-Have someone else drive. Pay a good friend lots of money to be the DD, take a cab, rickshaw, donkey or whatever. JUST DON'T DRINK & DRIVE!

-Use Public Transit. If you're in Los Angeles, Metro Transit is offering FREE fares on all buses and trains from 9pm NYE-2am NYD. If you're out later than that, you may want to consider drinking less as a New Year's Resolution, but you'll also have to pay your way home. More info here.

-Stay Home. Have a key party at your house...take all the keys and don't give them back unless there is someone willing to be responsible for your friend's drunk ass.

-Drink & Drive. Don't be stupid, stupid.

-Do some blow in hopes that it'll "Sober you up real quick." If you do this, we probably shouldn't be friends.

-Go home with an ugly dude. Seriously tho, the hangover you are going to have tomorrow shouldn't be compounded by waking up next to some slimy, ugly guy. Now if you find a hot-but-dumb-as-a-box-of-rocks guy, that is better, but still you have to deal with the fact that he is dumb as shit. Just sayin'.

So be safe out there, e'eryone!

 HAPPY 2013!


No comments:

Post a Comment

Constructive criticisms are appreciated. SPAM is not. Comment away, people!