Friday, December 7, 2012

Baked AF

Hello out there! Today I spent my morning chasing all over town for some BS that could have been explained to me over the phone, thus saving me an hour and a half. But, alas, people are dumb as shit. Boo.

Anyway, I normally wouldn't have minded getting out of the house, but today I am baking 24 miniature apple/rhubarb pies for a weekend long bake sale at M's school. Granted I can pop of 4 pies at a time in my awesome little pie press, but this shit takes some a minute to prep.

If you know me, you'll know that I'll risk life and limb to make a homemade, completely-from-scratch anything to save people from having to taste a mediocre, store bough anything. In this case, I was forced by the powers that be to buy prepared puff pastry to complete this task. This, however, has left me more time to create the perfect pie filling (which has to be table ready going into the pie press.)!

Tips on how to make an amazing apple pie:

-Use a variety of apples in your pie: A good apple pie has around 4-5 big apples in it. You should therefore use 4-5 different apples. Choose some that will fall apart when exposed to heat (Like Golden Delicious.), some that will get sweeter when exposed to heat (Like Rome.),  some that are good for eating (Like Jazz.) and some that are a good, generic baking apple (Like Granny Smith). You will cover a broad spectrum of texture and flavor in each bite.

-Use a packet of cook n serve Tapioca per pie: It is sweet, and the lumpy, fish egg texture disappears. It'll hold the apples together just like flour will, but there won't be a chance of that nas-tay uncooked flour taste.

-Don't use a lot of sugar: Maybe 1 cup or even less per pie. Let the natural sweet, deliciousness of the apples shine!

I have some other tips n tricks, but at the moment I am too far up shit creek in terms of getting these pies done on time to list them right now.


P.S. It seems as though all of my Inappropriate Elf ideas are too salacious for the contest. Still brainstorming!

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