Year in Review: Where the Hell Did Time Go?!

For me, December always creeps up. One minute I am scrambling to get Halloween costumes in line and the next it is December 1st. Cards need to get written, addressed, stamped and mailed. Madison's birthday plans need to be made. X-mas festivities, over indulgence of all sorts, and in the blink of an eye, I am waking up at the dawn of a new year.

From a not too recent conversation with my brother, he explained how he loathed getting cards in the mail that included a letter from the sender recapping their year. I personally love these. It may be a generic mass mailing, but it lets me know that if the shit that goes on in a year are okay enough for other people to share their stories, people really do adapt and overcome. 

Over the next few days and weeks that remain of this year I am going to be reflecting on the year I just went through. The good, the bad and the ugly. All in all 2012 was a fairly smooth year. Sure there were some ups and downs, but there were far more ups than downs.

Pictures of Yesterday's Science Project

Yesterday Madison, Robert and I started a snowflake science project. Here are some photos of the final results. 

Icicles 

Frosty Blue Star

 Snowflake

The photos don't really show how pretty and sparkly our snowy creations are, but in real life, let me assure you, they shine!

This worked out so well that I am doing it again! I am making 10 icicles, one for each student in M's class. That way she can give each of her friends a present and I'm hardly breaking the bank. 

So in case you didn't see yesterday's post with the link to the directions on how you too can make your very own snowflakes using household products, I'll leave them for you here:

You'll need:

     - For the solution:

       - 1/3 cup Borax Soap (found in the laundry detergent isle at you local supermarket)

       - 1 pint water (That's 16 ounces, or 2 cups)

     - For the snowflakes:

      - pipe cleaners

      - string

      - skewer, pen or pencil

      - pint glass

Directions:

1. Bring your water to a boil.

2. Design your snowflakes by bending and shaping them into desired shapes. Make sure you have a little loop on the top to add a string to. Add enough string so that you can hang your snowflake on the pencil, in the pint glass without it touching the sides or bottom.

3. When water is boiling, add the Borax soap flakes. Remove from heat and stir until the soap is pretty close to begin dissolved. No worries if it doesn't dissolve 100 %.

4. Pour the solution into the pint glass.

5. Hang your snowflake in the pint glass, so that it doesn't touch the sides or bottom.

6. Leave to crystalize overnight (I like starting this project in the morning and just letting the crystals grow thick overnight).

7. Remove snowflake from solution and let air dry. Prest-o, change-o...you've just turned a pipe cleaner into a snowflake!

Today I Get Fucking Crafty

So yesterday I posted a whiny rant about some bull shit that, if I really wanted to make easier on myself, I'd assign more chores to my family, shut my filthy trap and be happy with what I've got.

Today is a new day though, filled with new adventures, and shit so exciting I'd probably pee my pants if I were either a lot younger or a lot older.

Well, maybe not adventures (I went to Ralph's this morning!) and maybe not so exciting that I pee my pants (but I did have to go pee really bad when I got home from the supermarket and almost didn't make it - having to leap over the baby gate that blocks the hallway and all.), but exciting enough to bring a smile to my kid's faces because they can do something a tad more fun than homework and beating each other up.

Tuesdays are probably my favorite day of the week. Since the house is pretty livable now, I usually make a mess out of it again by getting my genius on.

Actually, this morning was amazing! Everyone in the house was up at the same time as me, 5:30 in case you were wondering. This meant I could con Mark into helping me fold the laundry and put it away. Score! Then I had about and hour and a half before I needed to bring Madison to school, so I washed the dinner dishes (Didn't get done last night, but then again Mark didn't get home from working two jobs until well after I had gone to bed. I don't blame him for not doing the dishes.) and then took out the garbage and recycling. After dropping M off at school, Robert and I went to the supermarket and were home by 8:30. Shit ninja! I feel like I've completed so much and still have the rest of the day to do whatever! Awe-some.

During the summer I usually bake bread on Tuesday, but because the temperature is not supposed to be above 75° today (oh, the horror!) I'm planning a few new activities planned.

Thanks to Pinterest, I get all fucking crafty on Tuesdays. Today I'm going to have M help me make snowflakes for each of the children in her Kindergarten class. I'm also making some laundry detergent to give to my in-laws as x-mas gifts (Sorry if I blew the secret for you guys!).

If I remember to, and chances are I won't, I'll post some photos. Otherwise, refer to the links.

In the mean time, here is a photo of M making snow angels in some fake snow that we waited 2 hours to play in last year at our local YMCA...NEVER AGAIN!

Here goes nothing

Here goes nothing. I say it every Monday. The day I have to clean and scrub the shit out of the house. But it is all for nothing, because I am the only person in this house, it would seem, that doesn't like living in a fucking pig sty.

But alas, I do it. Every Monday. I start with the dishes that have piled up since Friday or Saturday, whenever I last washed them. Even though this it is Mark's job to wash only the dinner dishes, I somehow still manage to get stuck with them.

While the dishes take a quick soak, it is out to the garage to do the laundry. I swear I do laundry every other day. Which brings me to a thought: Dirty dishes and laundry are like the fucking Gremlins, in that when you add water, they multiply.

Then after the dishes are done, and the laundry is washing, I take a walk through the house in search of trash/recycling that somehow never made it into the garbage can. However, I usually find more dirty dishes and more dirty laundry.

Blah blah blah...this cleaning bull shit goes on until about 12:00 noon when Robert finally gets sleepy and takes a half hour nap. A FREAKING HALF HOUR! I sometimes want to give him drugs that'll make him sleep longer so I can empty bathroom trash cans, make beds, find even more dirty dishes and even more dirty laundry, but I think that most people would frown upon that. Even if I were to fall asleep with him, I would be crabby as shit for only getting 30 minutes and not the 2 hours desperately need.

So after Robert takes a little power nap, and I am either a.) a raging bitch or b.) exhausted and ready for a nap which I can't take. Which quite depresses me. Even more so when I look around and realize that the floors need to be swept and mopped, rugs need vacuuming, clean clothes need to be folded and put away, clean dishes also need to be put away, and more importantly, I need to come up with an idea for dinner. However, this usually gets pushed to 5 minutes before I need to make dinner.

Then three o'clock rolls around and it is time to pick up Madison from school. A snack needs to be ready the minute she walks in the door, or else a full blown tantrum will ensue. After her snack has been devoured, homework must be done, Robert needs to have the crayons taken out of his hands and I stare miserably at the new art work I have acquired on the wall. After homework has been completed, M must practice her sight words, while I try to keep R from eating said words. Then, we have to read. Not much, just a few pages. This however takes a good 45 minutes because R is hitting M, R is hitting Jake, M is melting down because all she wants to do is relax and watch TV, or R decides that since M is crying, he should start up, too.

Once everyone is calm and all academic tasks are completed, I scramble, as mentioned earlier, to quick think of something that 1 picky eater will eat, and that the other, who doesn't eat, will at least try something.

Then I look in the mirror...and quickly run in fear when the tired, disheveled woman looks back at me, because obviously I am gorgeous and didn't actually go out in public looking so busted.

After an unsuccessful dinner, I realize that the clothes haven't been folded and put away, the floors haven't been swept and mopped, there are still clean dishes in the drying rack and I still look like shit.

I get no pay for my work, no thanks, mostly a snotty attitude from M, mostly crabbiness from R, and too much forgetfulness from Mark.

But I do get occasional snuggles from M, occasional kisses from R, a roof over my head, food in my belly and boundless love thanks to Mark. Thank you honey, for giving me the only job i seem to know how to do and have stayed at the longest of any job I've ever had.

I wear my Busted Housewife badge with pride!

Baked AF

Hello out there! Today I spent my morning chasing all over town for some BS that could have been explained to me over the phone, thus saving me an hour and a half. But, alas, people are dumb as shit. Boo.

Anyway, I normally wouldn't have minded getting out of the house, but today I am baking 24 miniature apple/rhubarb pies for a weekend long bake sale at M's school. Granted I can pop of 4 pies at a time in my awesome little pie press, but this shit takes some a minute to prep.

If you know me, you'll know that I'll risk life and limb to make a homemade, completely-from-scratch anything to save people from having to taste a mediocre, store bough anything. In this case, I was forced by the powers that be to buy prepared puff pastry to complete this task. This, however, has left me more time to create the perfect pie filling (which has to be table ready going into the pie press.)!

Tips on how to make an amazing apple pie:

-Use a variety of apples in your pie: A good apple pie has around 4-5 big apples in it. You should therefore use 4-5 different apples. Choose some that will fall apart when exposed to heat (Like Golden Delicious.), some that will get sweeter when exposed to heat (Like Rome.),  some that are good for eating (Like Jazz.) and some that are a good, generic baking apple (Like Granny Smith). You will cover a broad spectrum of texture and flavor in each bite.

-Use a packet of cook n serve Tapioca per pie: It is sweet, and the lumpy, fish egg texture disappears. It'll hold the apples together just like flour will, but there won't be a chance of that nas-tay uncooked flour taste.

-Don't use a lot of sugar: Maybe 1 cup or even less per pie. Let the natural sweet, deliciousness of the apples shine!

I have some other tips n tricks, but at the moment I am too far up shit creek in terms of getting these pies done on time to list them right now.

Enjoy!

P.S. It seems as though all of my Inappropriate Elf ideas are too salacious for the contest. Still brainstorming!

Where the Hell Have You Been?!

Wow, so I realize that I got super lazy about writing lately, but I am going to make an attempt at doing this more regularly.

Happy Earth Day!

Happy Earth Day to everyone! I celebrated by taking Madison on a 2 hour bike ride, pushing Robert in his fly ride and getting sun burned. Madison scored some Easter candy early, too.

We've been back in Los Angeles for about 5 days now and I am still exhausted! Though, being able to sleep in my own bed at night and now worry about driving into a ditch because of the rain, sleet, snow, ice,  heat and fog is definitely relaxing.

It feels good to be home. I kind of missed the ambient noise of the neighborhood, though I will say that I wished the neighbor's parrot had died while I was away. Damn.

A big, tail-less lizard just wandered out from behind a flower pot. I like that kind of wildlife. However, I am still mad as hell that I didn't see a god damn buffalo ANYWHERE on the drive home. Lame. We did have a herd of cows staring at us in Wyoming, though. That was a little strange.

I am almost done unpacking. Just have to get through my suitcase. We're bringing the car in for an estimate tomorrow morning, so we'll see whether or not it will be worth fixing.

Well, back to the suitcase!